How to Change your Thinking to Craft your Dream Life
I can hear you asking “what do you mean change your thinking?! Haven’t we been talking about journaling, and considering, and reflecting all this time?!” Yes, absolutely we have. But, we never want to run into the problem of thinking vs. doing. And we also don’t want to run into the problem of being unable to overcome some of our ideas, or commitments, to look beyond those and make progress.
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Change Your Thinking: You Can Do This!
I think the first step for you to change your thinking is with limiting beliefs. We have talked about them at length already, but I will reiterate here. You are capable of doing any thing that you want to do. It takes drive and determination, and it isn’t easy.
When people struggle with actually doing the work, it is often because of the discomfort involved. So, to make things work, you need to let go of that discomfort. Understand it is going to be there, and make the decision to continue on anyway.
Any sort of change is going to have a level of discomfort. That is why it is hard to make changes. If everything were easy, I’m not sure it would be as fulfilling at the end of it. So, understand that you need to accept discomfort as you start to adjust your thinking.
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Some Tough Love
Another area where you need to change your thinking is going to sound a bit harsh, I’m sure. It is the idea that if you don’t do this thing, it is going to be a hardship for the person doing the asking.
For a long time I thought that if I didn’t say yes to all the things that were asked of me (and many that weren’t, that I instead anticipated), it would make life too hard for someone else. Imagine how selfish I must have been to think that if I didn’t do that thing, people’s lives would fall apart?! That is some next level selfishness. Where I am trying to help, was actually hindering. Why? Because I didn’t actually want to do that thing, or it wasn’t necessary for me to be the one to do it.
I can already hear you saying “but they need me to help them.” Do they? Are you the only person they can reach out to? There are times when that is a yes, but, and this is where the tough love comes in, it is OK to still say no. If it is a huge disruptor in your life, and it takes away from something else you find a lot of value in, it is absolutely OK to say no.
Will that be challenging? Absolutely. Can it impact relationships? Again, that is a yes. But, you have to understand where you can give your time and energy, and where you can’t. Is the reason this person is asking you because you always say yes? So they don’t have to make other arrangements? It is easier for them to ask an automatic yes, rather than to do the work of finding a new helper. Just the same as it takes discomfort for you to make a change. It will cause discomfort for the other person as well.
Is that insensitive?
I think it depends. Can it be insensitive? Yes, if you know someone is in a bind, and it isn’t really a big deal for you to do something, saying no can be seen as insensitive. However, if it is something where you have a reason, or a why, behind why you are saying no, it isn’t insensitive.
Remember, you are not the only one that is capable of doing the thing someone asks you, or you expect from yourself. Understand why you are saying yes. Figure out whether that is a good yes, or if you are doing it because you think you have to. If it is the second, are you the best person to do this thing? Or, by you saying yes, are you taking away the opportunity from someone who is better suited for that task, obligation, committee, activity, etc.?
Change your Thinking: Brain Pathways
One of the interesting points I have learned about goals, and achieving your goals, over the years is how challenging it is to make new pathways in your brain. Your brain wants to take the easiest route. This is shown in a variety of ways. When people ask you to do something because they know you always say yes. It is easier for them to go with the guaranteed yes, rather than doing the work of finding someone better suited.
When you try to implement a new habit, does it happen automatically? No, of course, you need to work at it. And it often takes multiple months to make progress. You don’t get to decide one day to do something, and it is automatically done. You need to form new pathways in your brain. Your brain needs to learn the new way things will be done. And you will get pushback.
The Bottom Line
In order to change your thinking and craft your dream life you need to understand there will be a level of discomfort. You need to understand that you will have to say no to things you may have always said yes to. Take the time to make peace with those uncomfortable feelings. If you don’t, you will struggle to make progress.
If you change your thinking will it be easy? No, it will still be challenging. Any change is challenging. You have to put up your guideposts. You have to understand what your best decisions are for you and your family.
It is OK to completely dismantle everything and rebuild it back to where you want it to be. Sometimes it is easier to do this than to try and piece things together. And if you are reaching (or have reached) burnout, take time to dismantle it all. Look at all the obligations, and then say no to them all. Take back your time, and then add things in little-by-little. Understand what is most important, and let go of the rest.
Where do you need to change your thinking? What is one small change you can start working on today?
